But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
i think im in europe. pls send help
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
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