guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
