i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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