why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
