I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
