Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
