I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
