i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize