I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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