shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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