first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
