i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
