I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
