Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
