don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
