u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
