oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
