she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
