I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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