just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
