I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
