you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
