for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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