My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
