Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
