How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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