there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
