My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Drunk is not a location!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
