Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize