Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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