my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
