Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
why do cheetos always look like penises
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
