Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
