For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
