Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
