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I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Drake has all the answers
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