i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
