Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
