Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
