Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
