I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
