i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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