Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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