i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
