He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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