3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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