she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
