yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
