your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I need to align my fucking chakras
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
