Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
