and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
