She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize