Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
