This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
wanna go halves on a baby?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
