So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
