New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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