well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
