I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
