You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
