SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
