Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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