i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize