if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
