oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
