I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
