You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
