she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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