I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
