And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
3 2 1 whiskey
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
