It's Friday. Sex?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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