Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Is it because I queefed?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize